On Sabbatical / Spring Update

Ordinarily, I wouldn't post something this informal on my blog on Embodied Being, as I prefer to keep my blog posts here limited to more formal philosophical / spiritual essays. But, I felt called to post this status update, because occasionally I get emails from people from different places asking me to be available for this or that, and to inquire about therapeutic sessions. So, I am sending this update to let people, mostly people who aren't friends on Facebook, know what's up with me.I'm on the Big Island of Hawaii. I've been here since the second week of March, and I think I will be here until the end of April, maybe even into May. I am sensing that I will be back in Oregon by the second week of May, theoretically. I may try to head over to either Kauai or Maui before leaving Hawaii, for probably a week, and then head "home". Although, more and more, I am settling in here and feeling at home here on the Big Island. Although, I am beginning to feel as though I'd rather just stay here for a while and really go deep into a prolonged retreat.I came here because I pretty much went through the most difficult year of my life this last year, up until right before I made the decision to buy my ticket to come here. I'd say at least roughly from July of last summer to February, I was going through a miserable ride through the underworld. There were moments of good times, amazing community, lots of love, and inspiration, during that seven month long period. But, overall, I was covered in a fog of heavy shadow; depressed, depleted, frustrated, confused, stuck, pissed off, drained. I had my heart severely broken, was in financial ruin, had to move out of my house, had thousands of dollars stolen from me, was doing work that I wasn't happy doing, moving around from place to place to place to place, and ended up in a solid state of depression by the winter. I cried a lot.I came to Hawaii to recalibrate. To find myself again, and to find my happiness again. A psychic did a palm reading of me back in January, when I was last in Manhattan, and she said that I needed to really re-commit to my work of healing myself IMMEDIATELY, and really make big decisions to shift the energy I was in, and if I did my work in February and made it to these opportunities in March, I would make myself available for some big shifts in my life and my career for the next 5 years. Big shifts that I have been wanting to make happen for way way way too long, but have been feeling stuck and confused. She said that I really needed to go into a fully self-focused retreat zone, and allow myself to detach from others and be with myself, be selfish, and clear myself out - because I could not give any more to others and spread myself out.So, I've been thinking about what she said a lot. She read my palm like a book, and it was amazing. Since I have been in Hawaii, I came to realize I needed to simplify more and more, and that I am happy with less; less demands, less work, less money, less layers of clothing, less socks. I need to focus on myself, and the simplicity of being on the Big Island is exactly what I needed. I have not been making myself available as a bodyworker or healing practitioner since I have been here, and I came here imagining that I would begin teaching & facilitating my Ecstatic Medicine Vocal Circles again here. But no, I came to the realization that I am in a phase of self-examination, and needing space and energy to myself to process what I've gone through. I'm not really available yet, or ready yet, to take on the next phase of my work. It's really helpful for me right now to not have to show up for others, to be present for clients or for groups, and to have my space to myself. I will know when I am ready again.So for now, I am only making myself available for Web-based work; web design & graphic design projects. That's perfect for where I am at right now. Not for forever; definitely not for long term. Ultimately, I prefer working with people, with bodies, with sound and healing arts. Being in front of the computer for long stretches of time is dis-embodying for me; it makes me kind of spaced out. But, I can't show up for others and be available at this point. So, it's really good for me to work alone, by myself, in my own space, doing work on the computer. It's exactly what I need during this time of my life. And I'm keeping my project commitments to a minimum; to what is actually within my abilities to fulfill. I'm definitely NOT making this choice for the money; if that were my goal in life right now, I would be doing other things - but I would not be at peace.Being at peace and in alignment with my divine purpose in life is pretty much the only important goal in my life, as I see it. Right now, I am in a space of detachment that is allowing me to examine and consider what are my goals in life, what do I want? I have visions; so many visions, inspirations that it overwhelms me. What do I really want? Because, this last year I came to the realization that I honestly didn't know what I wanted. I was confused. I was really lacking clarity about what I wanted, thus I was all over the place and totally dis-integrated. So, now, the dust is settling, I am settling, and am feeling more solid, stable, relaxed and at peace with the process; still bathing in the unknown as I am.love ~ sitkaPainting by Francene Hart: http://www.francenehart.com